Haay! Ilang araw na akong gumagawa ng report ko for my masteral, I need to submit pa Chapter One and Two of my Thesis! Blanko na ang utak ko, ano ang gagawin ko, haay! Ang hirap mag-aral..
Bwenas! Pagod na akong mag-type. Huhuhuhu!
Kanina ang ginawa ko lang, kumanta ng You Ought to Know ni Alanis Morissette,
kasi sabi ng isang foreigner sa isa kong blog, some kinda like Jagged Little Pill daw ang dating, so inspired naman me, mega sing to the max naman ako ng Head Over Feet.
Pero eto back to normal again, Thesis. Waaaaa! Yaw Na.
Hello visitors of my blog, sorry can't update this anymore,
you can try checking my new blog by clicking here.
http://www.irwinagnes.blogspot.com
Yesterday we went to my parents house to get the suha my father brought from Davao. He knows I am already pregnant and I know he is excited for my baby. When we arrived, papa is driving my sister to work to Ortigas and we were waiting for him to come home but he was so tagal. It turned out that he went to Hypermart to buy some more suha for us. Yipee! I have a lot of suha. Mama naman, went outside to buy some barbeque because I told her I want some barbeque. When she got home, she got the last two barbeque sticks. Kaya lang alang sauce. Pero it is Ok. I lub lub lub my parents...
Chanda is correct in saying that when you are pregnant immerse yourself with people that you love and who loves you. I love them and they love me back 100%. I hope to be like them as parents, self-sacrificing and generous. Papa is the generous one, Mama is kinda tipid, though they are different we all turned out well.
What happens when you are stranded? Stranded because of the rain, especially when you feel like going home. You do not want to risk getting drenched in the rain so you wait for it to stop. For the meantime, you cannot do anything because you are waiting in a shed with a lot of people struggling to keep dry. You have to wait. This is one moment where you have to wait and stay where you are. For people like me who do not like to wait, this is an agony. I would rather do something. Go out in the rain, walk towards the jeepney so I could go home. I do not want to stay in the shed and wait. This happens all the time and everytime I tried to get out of the shed and walk, after getting wet from the rain and hailing a jeep. The rain would stop. It was a big joke and I never learned to take it. Maybe next time.
Day four got us looking into Crystal Balls, similar to the one's you see in tiangge in Quiapo. We were four in our group and we are suppose to look into each other's past life. I have hesitations with all of the activity since day one, and I know that I cannot see, but feel but this time, I saw something and when I discharged the soft eyes, it stopped. We discussed what we saw, and when it was their turn to see into me, my supressed emotions emancipated. The feelings that I've been trying to control suddenly resurfaced.
One of my group mates sees me crying, alone and according to her, she wants to confort me but she had the feeling that I want to be left alone. I was alone and want to be left alone. I had to control myself from crying during the discussion so I have to use another defense mechanism again. I am aware of all my defenses.
Now I realized that I was an unhappy person trying to fool everyone that I am ok. That all is well within me. The feelings that I've been trying to suppress resurfaced and hit me and I cannot control it. I am loosing control, I need a release of this deep emotions of anger, helplessness and my unhappiness.
Shopping would not solve it, i simply want to get away. Sometimes I thought of hurting myself to know that I could still feel because after all of the defenses I've been using to cover my unhappiness has left me cold and unfeeling.
One of our activity during our third day is the Yin-yang experience, one should be a receiver the yang and the yin the sender. This is done by putting your hands above the other hands of your partner. Those whose hand is below is the other hand would be the sender. It was my turn to be a sender and the message that I want to send is my experience having a painful ear candling, from going through the session to going to the medical doctor to have it checked.
You will do this transmission by mentally connecting with your partner and see if your partner can see into you. Turned out she was able to send my message, clearly and accurately, I told myself that just the "candle" would make me believe what we are doing. As for me, when it was my turn to receive messages, I think I failed to see anything. I cannot let go of the control, I may have a little hesitation with the activity on receiving messages. I am not open.