Here's what happened in day tow, we learned how to tell a person's blood pressure through the index finger and thumb. We also used a divining rod, a st/ benedict's cross and tried to go to a person's house and describe their house then you would ask the person for accuracy. I guess hindi pa ako BL (bukas loob) because I am not feeling well, I tried the divining rod and asked some questions, and I got a very acceptable answer.
It was a Monday afternoon, our class starts at 3:00 p.m. Irwin drived me to Ateneo Social Science Bldg. we arrived at 2:30 pm. I've seen some of my would be classmates all waiting for Father Jaime Bulatao. I've seen him arrived and went to his office. When it was already time, a staff opened the room and we went inside. I was suppose to go to the washroom but when I opened it. There he was, he held my hand, I felt something, some kind of energy, I cannot identify the feeling, something like someone with power was holding me, he asked me " Do I know you?" I told him "no father, my name is Agnes". Then he held my hand for a while and released it, akala ko nga ihahatid ko siya hanggang sa harap eh may mag-aalalay naman sa kanya. He was 84 years old last September. Very old and wise.
Next, we all sat down inside beside each other, no one wants to sit with me, initially we are behind a table, then he asked us to place our chair in front of the tables, so we are facing each other no barriers na table. Meron na akong katabi.
NExt, he demonstrated an hypnosis touch, biglang nag freeze your arm ng classmate namin. parang na paralyzed. Ewan ko I was skeptic pa. Then the classmate tried it on another classmate, ganun din. After that we all tried it, yung katabi ko, ginawa ko sa kanya, gumana pero nawala, nung siya sa akin, ayaw, naghanap kami ng ibang partner paghawak sa akin nung isa, nakuryente siya sa akin meron akong static electricity. hahaha. kala niya siguro kung ano yun.
My Delusions
We are almost two years married. Did it change anything in me? Have I learned how to cook or do household chores? Hmm. The answer is no. I may not learn any of the domestic work but I do learn something about myself that makes me appreciate Irwin more and the people around me. I learned to know myself, I accept myself as who I am.
After taking a neuropsychiatric examination which is a requirement for employment and after doing some researches on giftedness, I had the realization that maybe I am a gifted adult. Majority of the characteristics of a gifted individual fits me. I have an above average IQ, consider myself creative, I can learn new things and be good at it, I am resourceful, I think different than most people, I tend to seek the company of older adults, I get restless if I am not learning, sensitive, compassionate, likes ambiguity among others.
As a child I remembered creating poems, I remember changing the poem Tree into something else. I was creating poems because I want to join the contest in Uncle Bob's TV show on channel 7. Maybe I envied those kids on TV because they have a lot of nice things which I do not have. In high school, I have several original compositions of novels, short stories, I was making poems too, and I have a notebook full of it. I was eyeing the Youngblood section of Inquirer but I never had a chance to really submit anything.
I was good in Math, but I developed a phobia for it when my high school teacher reprimanded me because we were laughing while praying. I was the only one caught, no; I was the only one who confessed to doing it. I was getting high grades but my last grade was 89 and the rest of my classmates were 90 and above even though I performed better than them. I never hated math after that though. My hate for math started in fourth year high school, I took the exam on Trigonometry, It was a 50 item test and I have one mistake. The highest scorer got a perfect score and she was acknowledged. She was the president of Math Club. I was not a president of any club. I was very happy with my grade it was an achievement. I was waiting for another announcement of the next higher scorer but I was not called. I could never forget that day, that was the time where I hated math.
I remember too when I was in elementary, I do not want to have a high grade, I was keeping my grades average so my classmates would not envy me. I remember one classmates who commented “ Bakit alam mo ang lahat?” instead of being proud, I was embarrassed because she said it like she don’t want me to know anything. She made it look like she was so embarrassed because I know the answer and she did not. Ok, so I better shut up because people get insecure.
I remember to keep on the average side, not too showy people might notice. Maybe that is one reason I never want to get any attention to myself. I never wanted to be the center of attention.
I remember in my fourth year in high school, I got a 99 percentile grade on my NCEE. I ranked 5th in our class, there were 4 who got the 99+ , they were the valedictorian, salutatorian, president of the student council and secretary of our class and me, I was just an ordinary student. I take it as an achievement too, I got higher grades than our class president, and only four from our batch got the 99++ percentile.
My grades were average in college. I worked as a secretary and after that shifted to IT as a programmer. I worked as a technical support, a nice term for technician, I wanted to learn so I asked to be transferred to that department. I learned a lot, I was the only female in the group. I think that also an achievement. After that work I applied as an agent in a call center, I was on top of the class during training and even after when we were deployed. I got a high score on my first day and first week until third week. I quit after that. I am working as a teacher now and based from the last teacher's evalution, I got the highest rank among all teachers. I have no previous experience in teaching but that is a proof that I can do something good even with limited resources and skills. Siguro tsamba lang kasi mabait ang mga students ko, maybe it is the sensitive me who is working or the compassionate me, or the deeper knowledge of human condition helped me to teach those students. Maybe they see my dedication to help them learn.
I think I will never do what my previous teachers did. All I have to do is believe in them and in their capabilities. Maybe after a lot of soul searching on what to do, I could say I am home.
After a year and a month of being married, living with the in laws and having two different jobs in a year, I could say that I am loving life. I love life because finally I was doing something that I love; Teaching. I was lucky to be accepted as a part time professor in a University in Pasig. If I had known that this profession would finally end my worries and change me a lot. I should have tried it a long, long, long time ago.
I have fear of speaking in front of an audience. I fear getting embarrassed. I a person with a lot of fears and by being a Professor. I was facing that fear and conquering them.
I teach Psychology, Guidance and Counseling and Sociology. It is the first time I used the reference book and thought it is very difficult to study, I want to study and teach them, I want to impart my knowledge, prove my skills, help the students in any way I can.
Kahit na gaano kahirap ang pagtuturo gagawin ko para sa mga bata.
I want to help them land a good job, I want to improve thier confidence. I want their parents to be proud of them, I want them to graduate.
Life is so much better now, I can spend a lot of time with my husband, do the things I wanted to do, I am really spoiling the inner child in me. My friend, said that I am a very lucky person, I don't want to believe her, but after some thoughts I really am lucky.
Things that made me happy:
1. Morning hugs
2. Sunday morning taho
3. Sunday morning mass
4. Singing Lessons at CFPM, with kids who is better than me
5. Bathtub soaks
6. Eating bbq
7. Hot choco at Chowking, so creamy
8. Selecta Moo choco drink
9. Videoke to the max, at our house in Ugong
10. Last but not the least, looking forward to my last pay at SVI
Someone close to me pointed out this weakness of mine, being too hypercritical.
I am not too critical, konti lang naman. Sabi kasi nilang huwag daw masyadong mapintas kasi babalik daw sa magiging anak mo. Nyaiks, eh wala pa naman akong anak kung saka-sakali baka ang pangit na ng magiging anak ko sa kapipintas ko.
Isa pang ugali na ayaw ko na sinabi rin sa akin, which is related sa last entry ko dito. On receiving gifts, dapat hindi binibilang or naghihintay ng kapalit. Well, siguro iba-iba nga ang mga pananaw ng tao. Irwin pointed out that I hate this ugali of an acquiantance of mine, na kapag may occasion, dapat may gift, at dapat may libre kung walang gift wala ring libre. Parang ganun. So what is the sense of celebrating kung parang kelangan ng ticket or entrance fee bago ka makalibre di parang binayaran mo rin ang sarili mong pagkain?
So siguro when giving gifts, give gifts from the heart hindi yung may hinihintay ka na libre or exchange sa binigay mo.
just passing a tag from toni to fellow w@wies...
1. what are the things you enjoy doing when there's no one around you?
Watch Koreanovela, Attic Cat my favorite right now, its funny and nakaka iyak rin, don't want anyone see me crying, write in my journal, wear sexy clothes tapos pag may tao na magpapalit na ako.
2. what lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?
Ice Cream, walking, day dreaming, internet on my favorite actor Kim Rae Woo,
music of Lovers in Paris, singing out loud, showers.
3. tag five friends and get it posted on their blogs.
ariel and ella
con and nel
trina and ken
joy and john