My Delusions
We are almost two years married. Did it change anything in me? Have I learned how to cook or do household chores? Hmm. The answer is no. I may not learn any of the domestic work but I do learn something about myself that makes me appreciate Irwin more and the people around me. I learned to know myself, I accept myself as who I am.
After taking a neuropsychiatric examination which is a requirement for employment and after doing some researches on giftedness, I had the realization that maybe I am a gifted adult. Majority of the characteristics of a gifted individual fits me. I have an above average IQ, consider myself creative, I can learn new things and be good at it, I am resourceful, I think different than most people, I tend to seek the company of older adults, I get restless if I am not learning, sensitive, compassionate, likes ambiguity among others.
As a child I remembered creating poems, I remember changing the poem Tree into something else. I was creating poems because I want to join the contest in Uncle Bob's TV show on channel 7. Maybe I envied those kids on TV because they have a lot of nice things which I do not have. In high school, I have several original compositions of novels, short stories, I was making poems too, and I have a notebook full of it. I was eyeing the Youngblood section of Inquirer but I never had a chance to really submit anything.
I was good in Math, but I developed a phobia for it when my high school teacher reprimanded me because we were laughing while praying. I was the only one caught, no; I was the only one who confessed to doing it. I was getting high grades but my last grade was 89 and the rest of my classmates were 90 and above even though I performed better than them. I never hated math after that though. My hate for math started in fourth year high school, I took the exam on Trigonometry, It was a 50 item test and I have one mistake. The highest scorer got a perfect score and she was acknowledged. She was the president of Math Club. I was not a president of any club. I was very happy with my grade it was an achievement. I was waiting for another announcement of the next higher scorer but I was not called. I could never forget that day, that was the time where I hated math.
I remember too when I was in elementary, I do not want to have a high grade, I was keeping my grades average so my classmates would not envy me. I remember one classmates who commented “ Bakit alam mo ang lahat?” instead of being proud, I was embarrassed because she said it like she don’t want me to know anything. She made it look like she was so embarrassed because I know the answer and she did not. Ok, so I better shut up because people get insecure.
I remember to keep on the average side, not too showy people might notice. Maybe that is one reason I never want to get any attention to myself. I never wanted to be the center of attention.
I remember in my fourth year in high school, I got a 99 percentile grade on my NCEE. I ranked 5th in our class, there were 4 who got the 99+ , they were the valedictorian, salutatorian, president of the student council and secretary of our class and me, I was just an ordinary student. I take it as an achievement too, I got higher grades than our class president, and only four from our batch got the 99++ percentile.
My grades were average in college. I worked as a secretary and after that shifted to IT as a programmer. I worked as a technical support, a nice term for technician, I wanted to learn so I asked to be transferred to that department. I learned a lot, I was the only female in the group. I think that also an achievement. After that work I applied as an agent in a call center, I was on top of the class during training and even after when we were deployed. I got a high score on my first day and first week until third week. I quit after that. I am working as a teacher now and based from the last teacher's evalution, I got the highest rank among all teachers. I have no previous experience in teaching but that is a proof that I can do something good even with limited resources and skills. Siguro tsamba lang kasi mabait ang mga students ko, maybe it is the sensitive me who is working or the compassionate me, or the deeper knowledge of human condition helped me to teach those students. Maybe they see my dedication to help them learn.
I think I will never do what my previous teachers did. All I have to do is believe in them and in their capabilities. Maybe after a lot of soul searching on what to do, I could say I am home.
After a year and a month of being married, living with the in laws and having two different jobs in a year, I could say that I am loving life. I love life because finally I was doing something that I love; Teaching. I was lucky to be accepted as a part time professor in a University in Pasig. If I had known that this profession would finally end my worries and change me a lot. I should have tried it a long, long, long time ago.
I have fear of speaking in front of an audience. I fear getting embarrassed. I a person with a lot of fears and by being a Professor. I was facing that fear and conquering them.
I teach Psychology, Guidance and Counseling and Sociology. It is the first time I used the reference book and thought it is very difficult to study, I want to study and teach them, I want to impart my knowledge, prove my skills, help the students in any way I can.
Kahit na gaano kahirap ang pagtuturo gagawin ko para sa mga bata.
I want to help them land a good job, I want to improve thier confidence. I want their parents to be proud of them, I want them to graduate.
Life is so much better now, I can spend a lot of time with my husband, do the things I wanted to do, I am really spoiling the inner child in me. My friend, said that I am a very lucky person, I don't want to believe her, but after some thoughts I really am lucky.
Things that made me happy:
1. Morning hugs
2. Sunday morning taho
3. Sunday morning mass
4. Singing Lessons at CFPM, with kids who is better than me
5. Bathtub soaks
6. Eating bbq
7. Hot choco at Chowking, so creamy
8. Selecta Moo choco drink
9. Videoke to the max, at our house in Ugong
10. Last but not the least, looking forward to my last pay at SVI
Someone close to me pointed out this weakness of mine, being too hypercritical.
I am not too critical, konti lang naman. Sabi kasi nilang huwag daw masyadong mapintas kasi babalik daw sa magiging anak mo. Nyaiks, eh wala pa naman akong anak kung saka-sakali baka ang pangit na ng magiging anak ko sa kapipintas ko.
Isa pang ugali na ayaw ko na sinabi rin sa akin, which is related sa last entry ko dito. On receiving gifts, dapat hindi binibilang or naghihintay ng kapalit. Well, siguro iba-iba nga ang mga pananaw ng tao. Irwin pointed out that I hate this ugali of an acquiantance of mine, na kapag may occasion, dapat may gift, at dapat may libre kung walang gift wala ring libre. Parang ganun. So what is the sense of celebrating kung parang kelangan ng ticket or entrance fee bago ka makalibre di parang binayaran mo rin ang sarili mong pagkain?
So siguro when giving gifts, give gifts from the heart hindi yung may hinihintay ka na libre or exchange sa binigay mo.
just passing a tag from toni to fellow w@wies...
1. what are the things you enjoy doing when there's no one around you?
Watch Koreanovela, Attic Cat my favorite right now, its funny and nakaka iyak rin, don't want anyone see me crying, write in my journal, wear sexy clothes tapos pag may tao na magpapalit na ako.
2. what lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?
Ice Cream, walking, day dreaming, internet on my favorite actor Kim Rae Woo,
music of Lovers in Paris, singing out loud, showers.
3. tag five friends and get it posted on their blogs.
ariel and ella
con and nel
trina and ken
joy and john
Last Friday was our second month, August 5, 2005 and we celebrated it by buying the brazilian slippers and eating at California Pizza Kitchen. Now, while eating, I thought of making a separate blog for all our restaurant experiences. I just saw a blogsite where a cooking lawyer, posts all her cooking experiences and new recipe, It has several hits per month, and it looks like a recipe blog.
I so so, love my havaianas, it is pink, I am really looking for a pink havaianas.
Irwin's havaianas were black, some guy were eyeing the black pair that Irwin was holding, so hindi na niya binitawan.
My pink havaianas however were given to my by a girl, who bought several pairs, maybe 3 of them, buti na lang hindi na niya kinuha yun pink, she gave it to me,
when I tried it on, I had to agree, gosh, ang sakto sobra sa akin.
Siyempre, feeling tall ako sa havaianas ko, as in noh, suot ko siya sa bahay, and I make it sure na malinis ang talampakan ko bago ko siya isuot.
Tapos last night, I was washing the dishes in my havaianas, ang tangkad ko, siguro mga 2 inches additional. Hehehe. It is fun to wash the dishes in havaianas.
Weeks have passed and we are almost 6 weeks married. My blog on Buhay may Asawa are more updated pero magulo pa, andun ang lahat ng kuwento ko. As in, adjust to the max ang buhay may asawa. Bahay bahayan ganun pala yun. Masaya, malungkot kasi namatay ang lola ni Irwin. Mabait pa naman yun.