Suntok sa Buwan

My Delusions
We are almost two years married. Did it change anything in me? Have I learned how to cook or do household chores? Hmm. The answer is no. I may not learn any of the domestic work but I do learn something about myself that makes me appreciate Irwin more and the people around me. I learned to know myself, I accept myself as who I am.
After taking a neuropsychiatric examination which is a requirement for employment and after doing some researches on giftedness, I had the realization that maybe I am a gifted adult. Majority of the characteristics of a gifted individual fits me. I have an above average IQ, consider myself creative, I can learn new things and be good at it, I am resourceful, I think different than most people, I tend to seek the company of older adults, I get restless if I am not learning, sensitive, compassionate, likes ambiguity among others.
As a child I remembered creating poems, I remember changing the poem Tree into something else. I was creating poems because I want to join the contest in Uncle Bob's TV show on channel 7. Maybe I envied those kids on TV because they have a lot of nice things which I do not have. In high school, I have several original compositions of novels, short stories, I was making poems too, and I have a notebook full of it. I was eyeing the Youngblood section of Inquirer but I never had a chance to really submit anything.
I was good in Math, but I developed a phobia for it when my high school teacher reprimanded me because we were laughing while praying. I was the only one caught, no; I was the only one who confessed to doing it. I was getting high grades but my last grade was 89 and the rest of my classmates were 90 and above even though I performed better than them. I never hated math after that though. My hate for math started in fourth year high school, I took the exam on Trigonometry, It was a 50 item test and I have one mistake. The highest scorer got a perfect score and she was acknowledged. She was the president of Math Club. I was not a president of any club. I was very happy with my grade it was an achievement. I was waiting for another announcement of the next higher scorer but I was not called. I could never forget that day, that was the time where I hated math.
I remember too when I was in elementary, I do not want to have a high grade, I was keeping my grades average so my classmates would not envy me. I remember one classmates who commented “ Bakit alam mo ang lahat?” instead of being proud, I was embarrassed because she said it like she don’t want me to know anything. She made it look like she was so embarrassed because I know the answer and she did not. Ok, so I better shut up because people get insecure.
I remember to keep on the average side, not too showy people might notice. Maybe that is one reason I never want to get any attention to myself. I never wanted to be the center of attention.
I remember in my fourth year in high school, I got a 99 percentile grade on my NCEE. I ranked 5th in our class, there were 4 who got the 99+ , they were the valedictorian, salutatorian, president of the student council and secretary of our class and me, I was just an ordinary student. I take it as an achievement too, I got higher grades than our class president, and only four from our batch got the 99++ percentile.

My grades were average in college. I worked as a secretary and after that shifted to IT as a programmer. I worked as a technical support, a nice term for technician, I wanted to learn so I asked to be transferred to that department. I learned a lot, I was the only female in the group. I think that also an achievement. After that work I applied as an agent in a call center, I was on top of the class during training and even after when we were deployed. I got a high score on my first day and first week until third week. I quit after that. I am working as a teacher now and based from the last teacher's evalution, I got the highest rank among all teachers. I have no previous experience in teaching but that is a proof that I can do something good even with limited resources and skills. Siguro tsamba lang kasi mabait ang mga students ko, maybe it is the sensitive me who is working or the compassionate me, or the deeper knowledge of human condition helped me to teach those students. Maybe they see my dedication to help them learn.
I think I will never do what my previous teachers did. All I have to do is believe in them and in their capabilities. Maybe after a lot of soul searching on what to do, I could say I am home.